Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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