It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
