You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
