our cab driver is having phone sex.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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