sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
