I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love accidental penises.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
