you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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