Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
