Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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