hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's the barista slut.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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