Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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