Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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