some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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