Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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