Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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