I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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