I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
