i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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