..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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