don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
