You just made me feel so damn special
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
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capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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