I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is my gift to your gina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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