You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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