The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
did i walk over a car last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
