so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
