my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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