idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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