shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize