I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize