He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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