Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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