i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
