It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So squirting runs in the family.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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