I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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