I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
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Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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