We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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