worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
