I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
