Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
