First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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