508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
