He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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