Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
