you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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