If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
