Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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