What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
