I wanna bring you to show and tell
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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