Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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