I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
