hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
