She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im part way to drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
