Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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