At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
