Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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