I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
