Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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