He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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