i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have fence marks all over my body
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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