ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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