A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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