Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need moral support for this bender
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize