i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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