Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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